Some observations

In no particular order and for no real reason, here's some things I've been thinking about recently:

- The BBQ we had in Italy consisted of: carpaccio of beef with a tomato and red onion salad to start, then meat, meat and more meat. We had chicken, lamb, sausages and maybe pork too. But no sides. Later on a green salad was brought out, but no carbs/sides like we would have in the UK. I think us Brits generally tend to think something's missing if we don't have rice/pasta/potatoes etc with our meals. (On a separate note we also had the most delicious panna cotta for dessert!)

- It's funny (and nice) how loyal people can be towards the place they're from. The Italians at the weekend have lived in Genoa for a long time. They were saying that the foccacia in the area of Italy where we were doesn't have anything on the foccacia from Genoa. I think that's generally the same the world over though. I like it this patriotism/loyalty, and now I'm interested to try the Genovese foccacia so I can form my own opinion. (Apparently it should be thin - they say it's a mattress if it's too thick and spongy - crispy and have a lot of oil on it.)

- The internet must be my biggest distraction. I was meant to go running tonight. I've talked about and looked forward to it all day. Then I find a way to connect to the internet from my apartment and running has gone out the window. I'm going to have to go running or swimming before school tomorrow. Maybe swimming, as it's not every day I have a pool to use before the daily grind starts.

- It's weird how kettles haven't taken off in Europe (well, not in France and Italy anyway). To me it seems like a hassle to get a pan out, put the hob on, boil the water, remember to turn it off when it boils, then wash/dry the pan and put it away, when you could just fill a kettle and leave it at that. I wonder why that is?

- Language is funny. I've spent a lot of time with Chri recently. He says stuff in English like, 'let's make a tour' (of the town or whatever) because that's what they say in Italian, and French I think. Or, 'in this corner' (of the town), meaning in this particular area/neighbourhood. We wouldn't use these phrases in English but sometimes I can't think what we would say. I think we'd probably use a slightly different expression depending on what we were doing, ie. let's go for a wander, let's go exploring, let's go for a walk, let's have a look round. But now, because I understand what's intended by these phrases, I find myself using them in English as it's easier. It doesn't make for great English though, and means I'm not correcting Chri either. And recently I just haven't been able to remember some words in English. On Saturday I had to text Australia to ask what that game is where you use a mallet to hit a ball through pegs - you know, like polo but without the horses. Of course it's croquet (thanks my marra!), but there was no way that word was going to come to me. Strange what your brain does sometimes. The other day Chri had to ask Omar how they pronounce pistachio in Italian. His brain was listening to me saying it in English and French and it blocked his ability to think in his own language. I also learnt today that we will generally always think of numbers in the language we originally learnt them in. So if in 60 years I'm still living in France, I'll probably still count in English. How strange is that?

- Sometimes recently I've struggled to identify where in the world I am. For Bastille Day last week, for example, I was in an Irish pub in Nice with two Americans, an Italian, a Brit who has lived in Austria since she was 16, a guy from Northern Ireland who has lived in Sweden and France for the past 20-odd years and an Brit who has lived in Nice for six years. I was in France, speaking English, drinking pints pulled by an Irishman in an Irish pub. Talk about confusing! Then last week I was in London having lunch with my old colleagues and a few hours later I was drinking wine with my parents and their neighbours in the north east. I think my internal compass is struggling to keep up with all my recent travels!

- GB, who knows me and my inner brain workings/insecurities better than most, told me today that he's impressed with my lack of recent crying when the going has gotten tough. He said I'm getting strong. And do you know what? I think he's right. That drowning/indecent exposure incident was a classic example. Ordinarily I would have burst into tears, sat on the beach feeling sorry for myself and not gone back in the water all afternoon. Instead, I rearranged myself (ahem) and got straight in the sea without shedding a tear. Yay! I like it when I see progress without having made a conscious decision to act/feel differently. When T died, people said things would one day become easier. You don't believe that at the time. How can you? You think it will always be like it is. But it's not. I feel not just stronger, but strong. It's good! And I know T would be most proud of that. That makes me happy.

Before T died I had a lot of insecurities. I worried. A lot. About things that were totally outside my control. For example, on our South America trip I agonised for days about getting a boat home as I didn't want to fly. What a waste of those days in South America. Now I see flying as a means to an end. Yes, it's got risks, but if I want to travel to the places I go, I have to fly. My desire to travel outweighs those risks. When we went on holiday to Turkey we hired a scooter and I was past myself about getting on it and going a few kilometers down the coast, instead of just holding on and enjoying the ride and the scenery. Now I get on Chri's scooter without thinking about it. It gets us from A to B. I certainly worry a lot less than I used to about things over which I've got no control. I'm not completely cured (GB will definitely vouch for that), but I'm definitely in remission - although don't be expecting me to go in a field containing cows or to go anywhere near a frog! T would also be proud that I'm more carefree about lots of things. That's one thing he was constantly trying to help me with as he could see how debilitating it could be, and what a waste of bloody time.

Think that's my brain dump for the day. Better rest up before my early morning swim...