My feelings about going

Well, it's not long until I leave for sunnier climes. This fills me with both excitement and trepidation. It's to be expected I suppose. This is how I feel about it all today:

I am longing to escape the day-to-day grind that has become my life, although I will miss family and friends and the familiarity of my life here. That side of things fills me with fear. But I will get through it; I've got through far worse and to put it in perspective, it's only two and a bit months of my life.

I can't begin to think about the long flights on my own. Or coming back in May. So I'm trying to live for today and not think too much about that side of things. How can I?

I'm filled with joy at the thought of seeing my friends in Wellington, Melbourne and Singapore. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for them. And I'm eternally grateful to them for living where they do. Some of them have been through the mangle too. It will be nice to be there with them and for them, after supporting each other from afar for the past wee while.

I really can't wait to see New Zealand. I can wait to be seeing it on my own and would trade this 'trip of a lifetime' for a lifetime of my old life any day. But I know I'll meet new people who will hopefully look out for me and stop me being alone. To skydive or not to skydive? That is the question.

I'm intrigued about the new people I might meet. I'm fully prepared for there to be some horrors along the way. But what about the nice people? Surely there must be a few of them lined up too? And if there's not then I've got the scenery, my thoughts, my ipod, my memories, my earplugs and my sleeping tablets to get me through it.

I'm not overkeen on sharing a dormitory on the first night of the tour but can't justify paying more for a single room I don't think. I'm also fearful of the whole toilet situation. I hate toilets at the best of times. And sleeping in a tent on my own. What if someone gets me in the night?

The cost of the trip is playing on my mind. It's all adding up, even with the cheap flights (thanks Dad), free accommodation (thanks marras) and the whole camping shebang. But I've got to learn to start thinking differently. Live for today. Be grateful, if sad, that I've got this opportunity. Focus on how you can't put a monetary value on the things that I will see and do that I will remember forever.

It feels right to be doing this. Not much feels right at the minute but this does. The trip has T's seal of approval I think. I just wish with all my heart that he was coming with me.