Question time

In recent weeks, I've had a fair few encounters with strangers that have required some polite chit-chat. These encounters have highlighted to me the inappropriateness of the questions that we're conditioned to ask people we've never met before to break the ice or fill the silence. Questions like: 'Do you have any children?' On the outside this seems harmless enough, and I guess for the majority of people maybe it is. But how hard would it be to be asked this question if you're infertile, or have suffered a miscarriage, or your child has died, or your husband/wife recently died before you got the chance to start a family?? You bite your tongue and answer, 'no'. Then you're asked if you plan to have children. You've never met this person before. She knows nothing about you but she's asking you extremely personal questions. And waxing your nether regions while she does so... it's just plain wrong.

The other favourite is, 'Where do you work?' Since T died I haven't worked. So sometimes I say, 'I'm not currently working.' You can hear the cogs in their head turning... this stranger in front of me is seemingly young and capable but not working. Aha, I know, 'Were you made redundant?' that would explain things. Well, yes, technically I was made redundant so I often just answer in the affirmative, then have to endure an in-depth conversation with the stranger about the recession, how hard it is to find work, how difficult it must be for me, etc etc. But that's a load of bullshit. But sometimes a darn sight easier and less intrusive to go along with that, rather than tell the stranger the real reason why I'm not currently working.

I'm sure I've been guilty of asking similar questions in the past, and may even still do so occasionally, but I'm going to try harder to ask more neutral questions, especially of strangers. It makes polite chit-chat that much harder because you don't have those 'easy' questions to fall back on. But I'd rather have to think harder about what I say before I open my mouth than risk upsetting someone I've never even met before. I reckon it'll be easier said than done...

I dedicate this post to Shoya Tomizawa who was killed in a motorcycle crash in the Misano GP on Sunday. And also to the nine people who were about to do a skydive when they were killed in a plane crash at Fox Glacier, NZ on Saturday.