What do I feel? and Things that struck me

Part 1 - What do I feel?
I'm back in the UK for a flying visit. I landed late last night and head back on Thursday night. Just time to check up on my apartment, check my post and have a meeting about going back to work. Oh, and maybe get my hair cut too. Haven't been brave enough to get it done in France.

On the plane last night I started a page in my notebook entitled 'What do I feel?'. But I seem to attract sociable people on public transport, always have, and last night the woman beside me chatted from take off to landing, so I didn't get any further than the title. So here's some thinking out loud about how I feel/felt:

- Neutral; neither really sad to be leaving, nor really ecstatic to be returning. It was just something I was doing, but not in a bad way.

- My heart filled with happiness seeing the lights of Nice set out below me. It's been an amazing summer and it was an amazing view. It was good knowing I'll be back on Thursday.

- Knowing that I'll almost definitely be returning to my London life in the very near future and feeling OK about that, quite excited maybe. I've missed my family, friends, apartment and even my car. I've missed my things, my own space, being more in control of my life, a routine (although being without those things has also been incredibly liberating and more good for me than I think I've realised).

- I'll miss the weather for sure; that will be one of the hardest things for me to adjust to. I love love love the sunshine and warmth. I love love love being able to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner outside. Swimming in the sea every day. Eating fruit and vegetables that have been grown locally in the same sunshine that I've enjoyed, not imported from Kenya and NZ and Israel.

- Sad sad sad that my summer is coming to an end. The leaves are changing colour and beginning to fall. The winter clothes are in the shops. I'm likely going back to midnight finishes, stress, London life in general. Things I vowed I wouldn't do, or continue to do. I've done so many amazing things this summer, with so many amazing people. I'm sad to think that their lives will continue as usual, but that I won't be there to share quite so many of the good times with them. Along with the weather and the sea, I'll miss the people and the fun times A LOT. But remembering that I can be back there in 1.5 hours. And that I've got my fair share of amazing people waiting for me back here. To do amazing things with.

- As well as feeling excited about coming back, feeling a bit sad that life in the Med hasn't worked out for me in the medium term. Yet. Knowing that I can't stay in Nice just because I've got one really good friend there, and the city really hasn't stolen my heart so I've got no reason to stay (other than the weather and the lifestyle and Chri). Italy, however, has stolen my heart. Well and truly. But at the same time having doubts about going to Genova without Chri because I'd be so dependent on his friends to look out for me, which they would. But would I have as much fun without that missing link? Then remembering what wise old Sheila the Healer used to say - that it's OK having medium- and long-term plans. That you don't need to get to where you eventually want to be, today. It's OK to work towards that and plan it and get there in your own time. (Italian lessons here I come...)

- Very nervous about going back to Groundhog Day. Questioning my reasons for doing so. Having said that, I'm going to do my darndest to stop it becoming GHD. I'm going to buy fresh bread at Pain Quotidien or Paul and have nice lunches, not some Hovis jam sanga. I'm going to learn Italian. I'm going to exercise. I'm going to try and do fun random things with fun random people. I'm going to try not to work so late. I'm going to try and clear the flat out and make some changes (that one will be easier said than done). I'm going to get to spend more time with my family and observe my youngest nephew growing up - three months is a long time in baby time. I'm going to visit GB in Paris and I can't wait for that. I miss him a lot. I'm also going to visit Yaty in Stockholm. Anyway, I know I said all of this after South Africa last year, but I really need to make it happen. It's up to me. Shit.

Interestingly, writing all of that down has made me question my feelings. It'll be interesting to see how things pan out.

Part 2 - Things that struck me
Travelling into London today, these things struck me at various times during my journey. I wrote them down as they occurred to me:

- Yellow number plates.

- How tall The Shard is.

- How much Italian I'm thinking. (I didn't sleep that well last night and woke up at various times, obviously confused about where I was but with random Italian words going round my head. I praised the computer for working this morning in Italian. I cursed a car when I was crossing the road in Italian. And the ticket machine at the station got some Italian too. Strano.)

- How I hesitate before I speak to strangers in English (like the person beside me on the train or the man on the platform at the station). I'm so used to speaking to strangers in French or Italian. I keep having to remind myself that it's OK to blether away in English - these people will understand me.

- How good it is to be home. I loved my cup of tea and fruit and fibre this morning. With normal milk. I love having a wardrobe full of clothes. And shoes. And a wider choice of jewellery. I even enjoyed my trip to Waitrose. Our supermarkets are so well-stocked.

- How familiar things are - things like buses and taxis.

- How grey the Thames is. Yuk. I'm so used to my water being transparent turquoise. And I appreciate that the Thames will never be transparent or turquoise but it was actually a shock to see how grey it was.

- How excited I am about some of my Italian friends coming to my city in October. So I can return some of their hospitality. So I can show them the best of the city and make sure they have the best time. It will be completely different to my trips to Italy, but I have to avoid putting pressure on myself to recreate those trips and just embrace the fact that they'll be super excited to be here and will be seeing things through a tourist's eyes.