The journey so far

Well, now I've achieved something else I never thought I'd do, and I've driven from the UK to the Mediterranean. When you break it down into stages, the journey is actually pretty manageable, but it wouldn't have been as much of a pleasure as it was without my lovely Ma for company (and to help me at the toll booths – one slight problem I didn't think about before I committed to driving south for the summer is that the toll booths are located on the passenger side of my car. Obviously.

We set off from London after not much sleep. Me because I spent the week packing my flat up ready to be rented out, and Ma because she flew down the night before we left and had to help me get the flat ship-shape. That was no mean feat, but we did it. I think we both relaxed once we were on the train making the short crossing to France.

The first leg of the journey was from London to Metz, in north France. Everything went without a hitch: driving on the right in my car wasn't a problem (in fact I'm really pleased I've got my car here as it's much easier driving on the wrong side of the road in a familiar car – it means I'm not whacking the door every time I change gear!); the Travelodge equivalent where we spent our first night was very clean, quiet and newly refurbished; and we survived a late-night trip to the local kebab shop for our chips and a well-deserved beer. The next day we made the much shorter drive from Metz to a village near Strasbourg where we spent the day and night with some friends of the family who we haven't seen since 1998. It was great being reunited again and we spent a lovely day eating (five desserts to plough through at lunchtime!), drinking, and catching up. Having tarte flambees in the garden that evening was a real bonus.

After saying our goodbyes we pointed the car towards Italy, making our way to beautiful beautiful Lake Como via Switzerland. We stayed in a lovely little apartment in Torno, a small village on the shores of the lake. We were both just pleased to get there, unpack, and have two nights in the same place. It was very relaxing and absolutely stunning. I enjoyed my first Aperol spritz of the summer on the terrace of Bar Italia, looking out over the little lakeside harbour and the mountains. It was then that I really felt that my Italian summer had started, and equally felt reassured that leaving my flat and UK life temporarily was the right thing to do.

After taking the boat up-lake to the pretty but too-twee-for-me-town of Bellagio, it was soon time to say our goodbyes to Torno and Lake Como and to keep heading south, in search of the sea. The drive from Como to Genova was pleasant: slightly busy around Milan, but as we got closer to Genova the scenery became more interesting and the roads more twisty as we wound our way down to the coast. We sampled focaccia di Recco for lunch (delicious as always) then took the scenic route into Genova to find our hotel. Scenic in more ways than one given that I managed to drive the wrong way down a one-way street and park up in a disabled parking bay, the only car in the street facing against the flow of traffic! Mum pointed out my error when she noticed a bus coming towards us. I used my best Italian to ask the guy sat at the cafe beside the car if it was a one-way street. 'Yes', he shrugged, rather nonplussed by the whole thing. It seemed to bother him more that I'd parked in a disabled parking bay so I moved the car back just to humour him!

Our hotel in Genova was a pleasant surprise – recently refurbished to a high standard and very quiet, especially considering we were in the city centre, just a few metres from the central station (Hotel Nuovo Nord in case anyone ever needs a recommendation). We set off to explore the city on foot and, given that I've now been to Genova a few times, I was able to point out the highlights to Mum in order to make the best use of the short amount of time we had there. I really like Genova, it may not be an obvious Italian city to like, but it suits me. I like the fact its a working city, a real city, and full of students too. I also like its situation; on the coast but with a mountainous backdrop.

We met Massimo and Elvira for an aperitivo then made our way to a restaurant I'd been to once before; L'Ombre Rosse. It's got a lovely little garden and the food is good. Even better when it's on Mum (thanks Ma!). It was a lovely evening and I was pleased that Mum got to meet some of the people I've only known for a year but who have made me feel so welcome in this country. Massimo suggested that I take Mum to Portofino on the boat the following day and when Mum told him we couldn't do that because Dad was arriving in Nice to meet us, Massi said that she'd seen Dad every day for the past 30-odd years so it wasn't as important to go and meet up with him as it was to explore Liguria! Needless to say, we didn't listen to Massimo and the next day we pointed the car west on the relatively short and very familiar drive to Nice.

Chri was at home between meetings when we got there and I was very happy to see him – it signified that I'd arrived at my destination and that the summer had finally started. I still find it strange that up until last June we hadn't seen each other for 14 years but now I couldn't imagine life without him. I dropped Mum at her hotel where she waited for Dad and I made my way back to Chri's, successfully negotiating my first solo toll booth (I only had to throw 1€ in the basket, so it wasn't so stressful!). Chri made me trofie al pesto, a typical Genovese dish, for dinner then we headed into Nice for Fete de la Musique and another reunion, this time with Evelyn and Matteo. It was so nice to be together again, and even better that it was Fete de la Musique, even my parents were there – what an exceptional start to the summer!

On the road again

I've been a bad blogger. I'm sorry. I aim to be a better blogger from now on (subject to wifi access).

Just a quick update before bed... so I got back from India, had about ten days at home then took off again to visit friends in Madrid and Paris, coming back to London via Switzerland where GB was doing his annual Ironman 70.3 triathlon. I loved being back in familiar European cities after the chaos of Indian cities. I also loved the food and the weather. And I loved hanging out with GB. Being surrounded by triathletes for a weekend in Switzerland was good for me and has really motivated me to start my Great North Run training. Tomorrow, for sure...

I then had a few days at home before I hit the road again, this time heading north to Nottingham and Newcastle to visit my ever-loving family. It was great seeing everyone and spending some quality time with my little nephew. I got back to London on Sunday night and had until Saturday to pack my flat up, give it a thorough clean and pack my bags ready for my second summer in Italy. It was manic. I was manic. But I did it. With a LOT of help from my friends. Couldn't have done it without GB and me Ma, so thank you both.

On Saturday me and me Ma set off on our road trip to the Med. The first leg was from the UK to Metz, in France. It was a smooth journey but I was absolutely shattered and pleased to get to the hotel. The second leg was from Metz to near Strasbourg – only 1.5hrs – where we stayed with friends who we hadn't seen since 1998. It was lovely to catch up with them and, as you might expect, we ate and drank far too much, including five desserts (after a cheese course too). Not a good idea when you're en route to the Mediterranean.

Today we drove from Alsace to Lake Como. It was a beautiful drive and I love it here; I've had my first Aperol Spritz of the summer and an artichoke pizza. It's balmy and peaceful and my heart feels more at peace than it has for a few weeks. Now it's time to relax.

India 1 - 0 McRudders

Incessant. If I had to choose one word to sum up my experience of India it would be that. The smells and sounds. The dirt. The pollution. The colours. The hawkers. The beggars. The heat. The people don't stop; they are always so industrious. No chilling out in street cafes, watching the world go by, no leisurely drives to the shops. It's all honking horns, jostling and vying for your place on the road. Dodging cows and pigs and donkeys and people and tuk tuks and bikes and cars and buses. It's a country that assaults the senses.

Lonely Planet describes it thus:

Bamboozling. No other word better captures the enigma that is India. With its ability to inspire, frustrate, thrill and confound all at once, India presents an extraordinary spectrum of encounters for the traveller... India will jostle your entire being, and no matter where you go or what you do, it's a place that fires the imagination and stirs the soul like nowhere else on Earth.

India was an experience and it did jostle my entire being. I'm pleased I went and I enjoyed parts of it a lot but I was really pleased to get home last Saturday. More pleased than I've ever been to get back from a trip actually. Normally I'm wishing I was staying away a wee while longer. Admittedly, this was due in part to the fact that I was ill for the last week of the trip and still wasn't right when I arrived home. Being ill is never great. Being ill for a week in India was like a living hell, especially when you have to spend three days in Varanasi, a town on the Ganges where people go to (publicly) cremate their loved ones. I found the cremations particularly disturbing. I couldn't watch them and hated the public nature of them; boat-loads of tourists, both Indian and foreign, bobbing alongside the ghats (the steps that lead down to the river), so close you could feel the heat from the funeral pyre. I was in tears.

On the other hand, I had several magical experiences that will stay with me forever. The kite flying battle in Bikaner in one of them. It was exactly like the scenes described in the Kite Runner. As the sun began to set it seemed the entire town were out on their roof terraces flying paper kites. The sky was literally aflutter with them, as far as the eye could see. And they went high - higher than the average kite at home. The aim was to slice through the string of other kites, cheering as your opponent's kite suddenly lost altitude and drifted slowly to the ground. Sometimes you knew who your opponent was (we engaged in a particularly ferocious but good-natured battle with some locals on a neighbouring roof), but most of the time you had no clue. Finding a kite on the steps leading to my room made me happy.

And the Taj Mahal. Wow. It's one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. The guide books tell you that no matter how high your expectations are, the reality will exceed them. I was sceptical, but it was true. Not only is it a beautiful structure, but it was constructed with such love that just adds to the magic. (It was built by an emperor in memory of his third wife who died giving birth to their 14th, yes 14th, child.) And to think it was built in 1632 just makes the mind boggle: it's perfectly symmetrical; the Quaranic verses on the wall don't appear to decrease in size as they go up to the base of the dome because the letters were increased in size so that from the ground they appear equal in size and don't taper; its raised position means the only backdrop is sky; the minarets are not quite perpendicular but may have been designed to lean slightly outwards so in the event of an earthquake they fall away from the Taj. It's genius. And its beautiful too.

But yes, generally India has unsettled me. I have no real desire to return (well, I could probably be quite easily persuaded to venture to Kerala or Goa sometime...). I thought I'd get more from the country on a spiritual level, but I wasn't feeling it - the Pray part of my life wasn't to be found in India, or not in Rajhastan anyway. And maybe I feel that India is the first country to defeat me. But I'm OK with that. India 1, McRudders 0.

Some observations from my trip in no particular order, just the order in which I jotted them down while I was away:

- Women, saree-wearing women, can be seen doing hard, manual labour - building work often - alongside the men. These same women also benefit from a dedicated women only carriage on the metro.

- Men urinate wherever and whenever. Open urinals on narrow streets are particularly unpleasant.

- The station this morning was full of sleeping people; spread out on the ground on newspaper or sheets. Not homeless I don't think. Maybe just waiting for their early morning train.

- Some people live in abject poverty. Today I saw a family asleep at a very busy roundabout, lying on the concrete between four lanes of traffic. The youngest child had no nappy or pants on. That's hard to see, especially when we have so much.

- Curries in India are generally no better than at home, sometimes worse. That surprised me. I thought they would taste different - better - in India. Naans are only good when they've been cooked in the tandoor. Poppadums are slightly different to those you get at home - they're more like the spicy ones you can buy in the supermarket. There's no sign of bhajis on the menus in India.

- It's cold at home. Snow and frost are forecast in Newcastle. Difficult to imagine such extreme weather - it's currently 39 degrees here and it's 5pm... I love the heat though. I love eating outside and living outside. I love not having to think about what to wear every day or planning for varying weather conditions while I'm out. It's a very dry heat here which makes it much easier to cope with than the humid heat I experienced in Singapore and Saigon.

- If I came to India again I'd bring a nail brush. My nails are constantly filthy. I'd also bring some eye drops as the dust, dirt and pollution, as well as the aircon, make your eyes dry and sore. Otherwise I think this has been my most successful pack to date - I've used everything I brought and managed to travel light too, leaving plenty of room for my purchases.

As and when I feel the urge I may post some more about the specific things I did while I was away, but right now I'm off to have avocado on toast and I can think of nothing I want more right now! After being ill, it's heaven to be able to, well just eat for one, but also to be able to eat normal, familiar food - nothing too fussy or complex, just fresh and healthy. Interestingly I'm still off the coffee and alcohol though. Wonder how long that will last...

Hello India!!

In summary, as my phone isn't liking this for some reason... 1. All is well with McRudders in Delhi! Flight half empty so lots of space. Loved my banoffee Gü pot for dessert and my Moma bircher muesli for brek - great idea that more airlines should embrace. Met random English guy getting off plane (reminiscent of my Taken story at Saigon airport!), who pointed me in the right direction, told me how to work out the exchange rate and gave me his card in case of emergencies. Some people are very kind and no, before you ask, I don't think he had any ulterior motives! 2. Weather is good - about 33 today but with a nice breeze. Air-con and a fan in this hotel room - hurray! 3. Dozed then took myself off to Humayan's Tomb this afternoon. Took a tuk-tuk that cost me about £1.50 for the 30 min journey. It was a great way to see some of the city and get a feel for the place. I didn't really get hassles so was pleased I braved it on my own. 4. Group will total ten, including the guide. Two people arrive later tonight. All seem nice: an Irish couple, a lovely Dutch girl, a quiet Swiss girl and two young Danish girls. An American and a Belgian yet to meet. We all went out for a lovely curry this evening; made me feel at home! 5. It's gonna be a hectic trip and involve A LOT of travelling; starting with a 14-hour overnight train tomorrow afternoon. We arrive in Bikaner at 5.45am :( But tomorrow morning we're exploring Delhi together. That's all for now. More as and when I can. Thanks for all the love and support I've received, that is the only reason I'm saying goodnight from Delhi, India; wouldn't be here if I was doing this completely on my own xx

Two things

1. They don't have toilet paper in India!!!! After all these years I didn't realise that the whole wiping your derriere with your left hand was so goddamn literal. Shit. Or crap. Or any other toilet related expletive that can be inserted at this moment. And I've got a dirty-toilet phobia. Waaaaaaaaaa. And there was me being so smug about my Shewee. That'll teach me. OK, I need to buy double stocks of hand sanitiser and wipes. And take my own toilet paper; lots of it for 20 days on the road.

2. The temperature in Delhi right now (that's 4.25am) is 22 degrees. During the day it's about 35 degrees. That's hot! But not as hot as the second place I visit after Delhi. There temperatures are forecast to reach 45 degrees. On my birthday in Jaisalmer, the current forecast is mostly sunny with highs of 40 and lows of 27. I may have made a mistake booking to go to Rajasthan in April and May. And I may have made an even bigger mistake shunning the air-conditioned private bus trips to experience the 'real' India using public transport. Oh my god. Really. And if that wasn't bad enough, just think of how gross the toilets are going to be in those temperatures. Help!!!!

Eat = done. Next up: Pray.

One week today I fly to Delhi to start a 20-day trip round Rajasthan. I'm excited, stressed, apprehensive and happy, all in one. I'll feel slightly better once my visa and passport arrive. And better still once I've figured out what to pack. And once I'm on my way I know I'll put my anxieties behind me and enjoy my next new adventure.

India fascinates me and I've been wanting to go for a few years now. In fact, I was due to go last summer but Italy stole my heart, and my India plans were put on hold while I embraced the Eat phase of my life. Big time. But now the time is right for the Pray phase (- time to pick that book up again, Luke). My (new, thanks Kari!) Lonely Planet book sums up what I'm expecting:

Bamboozling. No other word better captures the enigma that is India. With its ability to inspire, frustrate, thrill and confound all at once, India presents an extraordinary spectrum of encounters for the traveller. From rural serenity to big-city swirls of colour, from dizzyingly intricate carved temples to musicians playing ragas in the desert, from harlequin-bright elephants to gourmet restaurants in stylish cities, India will jostle your entire being, and no matter where you go or what you do, it's a place that fires the imagination and stirs the soul like nowhere else on Earth.

It sounds like it's a country that will test my resolve in more ways than one. But I'm hoping that forewarned is forearmed. Being on an organised group trip will also help. And its good to be challenged and pushed outside your comfort zone once in a while. It's also an opportunity for me to christen the as yet unused Shewee that T, knowing my public toilet phobia, bought me in preparation for a festival we were meant to go to ;)

For those of you who are interested, this is my itinerary. I got the best flavour of the places by Google imaging each one. Some of them look absolutely stunning:

Delhi
Bikaner (where I'll do a camel safari and overnight camp in the desert)
Jaisalmer (I think this is where I'll spend my birthday)
Jodhpur
Udaipur
Pushkar
Jaipur
Agra (home of the beautiful Taj Mahal)
Varanasi

There are several overnight sleeper trains involved, so hopefully it'll be a really authentic experience and another exciting chapter of my life.

But there's lots to do before I go. Aside from some shopping and then packing, I'm also getting the flat ready to rent out while I'm away in Italy for the summer. This weekend I tackled the small but jam-packed cupboard in the spare room. It's been a two-day job and it's still not finished. I've shredded two bin bags worth of old paperwork - bank statements, old payslips and the like. I've half-filled the paper recycling bin with leaflets, brochures, newspapers and envelopes.I've been reminded once again of how amazing my husband was: he had folders for digital photography, running, CISCO, music stuff, motorbike stuff. He was a man with many passions and a real interest in learning and developing (and accumulating the necessary magazines, newspaper articles, website print out etc etc to match!). It's been surprisingly therapeutic and maybe only something that I feel completely ready to do now, after all this time. But the practicalities of moving it all into storage are also helping me to be more ruthless. Half of me wishes I'd done it sooner so I could have enjoyed living in a clutter-free environment these past few months, but I guess that's what I've got to look forward to upon my return.

Don't get me wrong though, it's also been emotional. Today I found an old cheque book that contained stubs for cheques for my hen do accommodation in Barcelona; our wedding venue and catering; and T's funeral. Seeing it all laid out sequentially like that was tough. And thinking of myself writing a cheque to pay for my own husband's funeral less than two weeks after he died was just incomprehensible. God knows how I even functioned at that time, nevermind went through mindless everyday functions like writing a cheque.

Anyway, it's all good. These are all yet more steps on my journey - my journey of recovery and my journey of life. It's an interesting journey and I'm grateful to be on it.

Round the corner of the world I turn,
More and more about the world I learn;
All the new things that I see
You'll be looking at along with me. 
(Sydney Carter)

A wee update

Life has been busy for me recently, hence my lack of posts. I'm never as inspired to write when I'm working either, but I thought it was about time for an update.

I don't know where this year is going; it seems like just yesterday that I was celebrating new year in Tuscany and now I'm starting to think about my next trip there at Easter. In April – the fourth month of the year. That's incredible. Since my last trip to Italy I've spent weekends in Northumberland, Krakow and Madrid. I've also had an Italian friend over one weekend, had Graeme to stay for two nights, visited my godson and his new baby sister, had a Saturday night out with friends from Monaco, taken a 10-week Italian language course and started having some life coaching. This weekend another Italian friend is visiting, and the weekend after my lovely sister is coming to visit for the first time in 15 months – yay! Recent travel has been restricted as my passport is away being renewed, but an enforced period in the UK has also been nice.

So, another chapter of my life is coming to a close; 30 March is the last day of my current contract. At this moment in time, apart from my trip to Italy at the start of April, I don't have any definite plans but the vague plan consists of a trip to India in April/May, a long weekend in Switzerland with Graeme at the start of June then hopefully some QT with my family before I head to Italy for the summer. I initially thought I'd like to go and spend six months in Italy, but the reality of that didn't appeal quite as much as I originally thought; there's only so much sitting on a beach on your own you can do before it becomes a tad lonely. So I think I'll go for July and August and see how it goes. If I can pick up some teaching work or something to keep me busy then that would be ideal. I'm also looking forward to having an opportunity to improve my Italian – both speaking and cooking!

I am a little nervous about giving up a good job/career again, and leaving behind my lovely colleagues. Work, as much as it pains me to say it, gives me some much-needed stability in my life. I enjoy having a routine and it gives my life some purpose – one big thing that's lacking in my life. My colleagues make my working life an absolute pleasure, especially Luke who, in the past week, has surprised me with bunches of daffodils and a beautiful necklace from Amsterdam. That, combined with a surprise Graze box from my lovely sister and a box of beautiful Belgian chocolates from Graeme, have made for a lovely week of unexpected presents that have brought a smile to my face. Thank you all xx

Emotionally, I'm in a really good place at the moment. I feel really strong and positive and am enjoying my life. I'm feeling unsettled about the immediate future, including the prospect of packing all my stuff away and renting out my flat, but I know that the benefits of some time out will outweigh all that. I was saddened by what happened to Fabrice Muamba at the weekend – that brought back some memories of my time in the ICU at the hospital after Tim's accident. It also made me think about how hard it must be for the family when something like that happens to people in the public eye.

Anyway, I think that's all my news, or a summary of it anyway. Hopefully you can expect to see more posts from me in the near future. Hopefully from some more exotic places than London too...